Two years ago today my entire perception of the world as I knew it was dismantled in front of my eyes. Everything I thought I was. Everything I thought I was to become. 23 years of memories and emotion congested into one last journey. The journey to my destination on this night wasn't a foreign one, I had done this journey everyday for the previous 6 months. But on this night two years ago, the most familiar of surroundings seemed like the very first time. I had never been so aware of my life and the way my own heart beat around my entire body. I never wanted that journey to end, I could have stayed in those moments for the rest of time because I felt that once it ended, these moments would be gone. But in those memories and in all of me, she was more real than she had ever been. So how even in death was my mother closer to me than I had ever been aware of? I was a child, without a mother and for the first time i was aware of the fact I was biologically half another life. My entire existence was based upon hers but I was still present. This is when I began to realise science or 'facts' alone couldn't explain the power of grief, love and every other human emotion we all feel.
This space, is my interpretation of the world as I have seen and still see it from that day. And that doesn't make it right or wrong. But I believe in it based on research, faith and hope. This is me, that doesn't mean I expect it to be you too. These shared moments of awareness and deepness are part of me. They were part of my mother and they are a part of everyone. After working my way through the trauma of losing someone I had never grown old enough to fully appreciate. I began the process which brings me to today. I started looking at a vast number of theories that surround our being and how my own perception of myself really shaped my life because the only thing we can all be truly sure of is our own presence in life. Everything else is a perception of that very thing. The body is anatomy, a physical thing we are able to study and develop. So how do you explain the energy behind that very thing. The energy that exists, separate from the body.The best real life example I have seen to explain this energy to date is the following statement.
"Just because you drive the car, does not mean you are the car" - Prince EA .
If you accelerate in any way, you gain speed, if you brake, you create friction. The human experience is just a vehicle for energy. You have to ask yourself, does a dog know its a dog? We know what it is, but that doesn't necessarily mean the dog knows. The dogs perception of itself could be entirely different to how we perceive it. So does a human being, know they're a human being? And its easy to laugh at the idea of that question but its something I think we should ask. Have we been taught as children not to ask the already answered? Isn't just about every recognizable achievement of our planet based on the idea of aspiring for the impossible? Imagination is a non-physical concept we don't know that much about. The education system is about as stable as I was when I used to eat out of the bin (actually true) and its shown over time its not evolving at the rate it should be and maybe this system is just one of the things making the human experience difficult. Are our perceptions of ourselves, the ones we've been conditioned to believe?
Sometimes we are bombarded with that much drama and bullshit its easy to take shelter in life away from bigger, more confusing situations. For example, Earth is 79% water and other human beings die from dehydration every day. The average human can only live 5-6 days without water and somehow we've allowed, on a planet mostly water, for other people exactly the same as us, to die from thirst. We have the ability and the capability so why don't we have the desire to change such pivotal problems of the world? Its hard to know what to do? about the problems of the world when we have so many of our own. But we have become so distracted that we have forgotten the literal "beauty in life". Have we become so disconnected to ourselves and our home that out of ignorance we damage it all the time. Through human emotion we constantly damage our planet.. In turn damaging our societies, our beliefs, our unity as species? The human race is currently attacking its own immune system. and yes, life isn't easy individually at points and stages. Its increasingly hard to 'live' in a first world country let alone imagine the life of someone far worse off than yourself. Life is viewed through a fish eye lens. We process information relevant to our current selves and situation. Which for survival is absolutely crucial so why are we neglecting the very thing that drives our survival? What if the problem with the world has a solution. Could that solution be us? What if we have become that disconnected with each other that we cant actually see how individual progress is contributing to global progress?
There is a subject that continually presents itself- 'Mental health'. A basic bitch term used to normalize the soul projecting its energy through human emotion. A huge amount of very different and individual mental illnesses across the entire world. There is absolutely no arguing that the correlation between mental health and the deterioration of society cross the planet (and then in combination with several other factors which i'm going to cover at some point) We have undervalued the health of our mentality. Did you know that 450 MILLION people at some point will suffer a mental health condition at one time. If you are ever feeling alone simply think about that statement because you most certainly aren't the only person suffering in a similar way. And equally if you don't feel relatable to that statement, then please take a second to try and see the catastrophic effect on our species. That is a huge amount of sadness to be happening at one time!
"The day science begins to study non-physical phenomena, it will make more progress in one decade than in all the previous centuries of its existence." Nikola Tesla 10 July 1856 – 7 January 1943
THE CHAMELEON SOUL:The concept that each human body is inhabited by an energy source ,capable of learning, able to adapt and adjust to it's environment. This energy is felt through human emotion, which in turn creates reality through actions based on those emotions. The same way the chameleon uses the energy already present in light to alter its structural make up, based on its emotions. So in theory, if this energy is placed in an environment that is deemed harmful, dangerous or negative, the human emotions created by it are a simply a reflection. On the the other hand, if you place this energy in an environment that emits love, unity and growth you would see a result reflective of that. But the most dangerous place for this energy is one that distracts it from itself. In turn making it unconscious in all , making it difficult to differentiate between itself and the environment.
The current issues we face as a planet, we see within our countries, our societies, our own social structures, and within ourselves is a sickness. Manifesting in such a vast way that we no longer see it as one thing. Effecting everything around us, this sickness has become part of everyday 'life'.. Most human suffering is caused by human actions. The symptoms are all present, but have become almost invisible to most because they just feel so normal. Its completely fucked up. Its in no way normal to witness another human being, brutally murdered for any reason, but what is more worrying our ability or inability to acknowledge it.
Over time, we have been born into a world already infected with this sickness so we are already camouflaged into the environment. An environment that is maybe not our own. The soul has learn't to adapt to this current environment. The energy survives through protecting us from it. We are creatures of habit. Habits protect us. That's why when you see these types of circumstances you are able to almost numb yourself to the truth of it. Because the human body couldn't experience the pain of 450 million people suffering all at once . The root and purpose of any energy including our own is to be energy; to exist and survive.This energy is thought, by the holistic community to be driven and managed by 7/8 energy points throughout our physical body (something i'm also going to cover at some point). Many people believe the energy of the soul resides in the heart, which then transmits through the human brain. Which we then project through our eyes. When these energies are unbalanced, your current life is a reflection of that in balance.
For a long time I've felt this sickness within me, my "mental health" wasn't great, the way I felt as a human being wasn't valuable to me, and that also effected how I affected everything around me. My relationships of all kinds, my physical body and my soul. That feeling of being disconnected to life and its relevance. But when I started to understand that I was an entire spectrum of emotion I could start re building the damaged parts step by step. The parts of me what I had forgotten. I had to tackle my ignorance of 'life', to try and destructure the beliefs that where potentially not my own, to achieve the once impossible of tasks. To 'recover'.
But, when I recovered from one thing, I then suffered the next thing. Running to starvation, to cutting,to overeating, to hurting in anyway I could attach myself too. I always remember "seeing"was the measurement, rather than "feeling". It was far easier to attach myself to something I could see rather than feel. So was I really in recovery or was I simply projecting something much deeper then a chemical imbalance in my brain? I realized, these emotions created ripples in my life. In turn effecting my life. But I was literally surviving and so were the people around me? But what had started it all? There was a lot of mental health in my family. Depression, suicide, anorexia, bulimia, bi-polar. You name it, we had it. But why through generation after generation had my family suffered so internally? We all wanted happiness, like everyone else. The older I get, the more people I meet, that are all looking to feel "Whole" and "complete". So why are all these other human beings looking for it too? What's stopping us finding it? We're all fucking looking for it! 450 million people. Maybe my life had been the result of a sick soul? and if i was sick, could the people around me be sick too? In turn creating a huge ripple of ill mentality.
So how do you heal a sick soul? The medicine isn't one that can be bottled, swallowed, injected, snorted or unfortunately smoked. It has no physical presence. But most shockingly its free. In a world where money is considered the value of 'life'.
Inside every person, they have the ingredients to a individual medicine. An energy within, capable of learning, creating solutions, connecting, and growing. Everything you need to heal the soul is individually within us. But there are some hurdles along the way. Forces at work, that shape and mold this energy into something, manageable, controllable and profitable.
The law of attraction has presented itself in my life over and over, and has played a huge part in opening so many doors for me. If you actually start to look at the depth of how Emotion and Action combined ripple our lives. You will find whatever evidence you need to see a correlation. So for example, using the car and the human experience. If you drive 30 mph, the impact is 45% fatal. If you are driving at 40 mph is increases to 95% fatal. So if we begin to establish the connection between ourselves, exploring and projecting our emotional experiences and talking about some of the invisible contributors; politics, drugs (the good and bad kind), alcohol, 'mental health', consumerism, real issues that feed this sickness not heal it, in combination with methods and techniques to literally heal the soul. The goal of the Chameleon soul, is to flourish in an environment that creates and promotes the ideology that we will no longer require the blend in with the environment. We are the environment, ever changing based on our connection to all things.
The same way a child can be anything and anyone they choose. Recently, I was walking and realized that I had not looked up into the sky for such a long time that I had forgotten what the sky looked like at night. It sounds weird as shit when you write it down, but next time you get 10 minutes. Look into the sky at night. So you can actually see the stars.
I have spent the last 4 years, making a medicine for myself. A medicine to heal my soul. And through that experience, I've decided I'd like to try and actually learn how to help others. As a job.. scary thought!
This brings me onto my first real subject, the story of how the 'Chameleon soul' theory became for me, a direction in life. There are elements of all theories within it and if you come back to read more than the Chameleon soul theory will reveal itself over time.
Tonight, two years ago, literally as i'm going to post this, I got a call. I knew before I had answered it she was gone. I felt a part of me almost die too when i heard the words "your mum is dead". Its like nothing I have ever experienced.
But after time, I don't have the ache in my heart tonight. I feel whole. I feel stronger, capable of anything I choose to do, able to support and love others. I have a desire to live and to grow, for myself and others. I've been searching for that for a decade to long. I know that considering how rock bottom I hit as a human being, I'm here despite whats happened. And if I can do it, literally anyone can. Because I never thought I could. And that was the soul problem. I believed i couldn't, so I didn't. Life is to weird, wonderful and beautiful to allow 450 million people to feel lonely, to feel afraid, to feel purposeless. I think everyone does have the deep desire to feel 'whole', and the easiest way for us to heal the world is to first heal ourselves, so then we can heal each other. The idea that each and every person you meet, you can leave an imprint in some way, small or big. but leave something. I'm covered in imprints of everyone I've met. I just want to take the time to thank every person who's been a part of this journey with me. You are all a reflection of this person I am today. Past and present. I've learnt a lot of cool shit over the last decade and I love to write about it, so that's what i'm going to do, for now.
If you're reading this. Then thank you, for taking the time to pass by. I can imagine that these wild and somewhat irrational thoughts might give the impression that after 12 years, the 'crazy' bitch has lost it. But if this belief, that this 'life' is more than what it is currently worth. Then being crazy is the secret to happiness.
Hope to see you back again for something else weird.
For mum
“APPLY WITHIN" You once told me You wanted to find Yourself in the world - And I told you to First apply within, To discover the world within you. You once told me You wanted to save The world from all its wars - And I told you to First save yourself From the world, And all the wars You put yourself Through. APPLY WITHIN by Suzy Kassem”
